Month: July 2014
So, I joined in on a warhammer 40k role play on a website for a bit of writing inspiration (and an opportunity to actually do something). It was rubbish, you spend so much time waiting for other people to do something only for them to either not react to your writing or do something dull, but this was my post list.
Intro post (not mine)
Hey everyone! So similar rules to the first one, You get one commander and a group of support characters, All factions are available, you have one “Get out of death free” card, use it by post “miraculous survival at the top of your post. No god-modding, and the maze is basically player designed, you encounter what you wish, with a few presets to be encountered and announced later. Anyways… ON TO PLOT!
A section of Trazyn’s collection museum is losing power. You were frozen in it (or maybe you are part of the forces who are knocking out the power) everything living is escaping, you want to leave/knock out power/ kill things.
His swing finished and connected cleanly. It had felt like an eternity in the making.
The xenos beasts head hit the wall and sergeant D’Antine of the Thousand Sons lowered his force sword.
It had been an eternity. D’Antine had encountered all ten thousand years of his incarceration at the hands of Trazyn the infinite. Ten thousand years staring into the bestial eyes of the xenos creature he’d been battling when all had frozen. Ten thousand years in which he’d not been able to finish the hit. But now it was done.
And he was free, ten thousand years had passed, it was time to find his Primarch Magnus and rejoin him in the Emperors Great Crusade.
D’Antine paused, no, the great crusade was over, it would be ridiculous to think war would still be raging after so long, his brother marines wouldn’t have failed.
So what would be his purpose? He must make contact with Magnus.
D’Antine was steadily moving up a corridor with alcoves all around, each had a different occupant, or some had many occupants all arranged in a diorama of battle.
Seeing so many potential enemies of the emperor was almost enough temptation to kill all, but D’Antine knew he was currently alone and even a mighty space marine had to pick his battles occasionally.
Coming upon an alcove with a familiar silhouette inside D’Antine stopped. The armour was clearly a brother space marine but the marking weren’t right. This was clearly an imperial fist, but gone was the proud yellow, this armour was a dark blue and the fists were marked red. Perhaps a specialist? Perhaps tastes had changed in all the time away? D’Antine didn’t know, but he knew a fellow space marine would be a reliable ally.
Reaching out he hit a rune on the alcove door, green light spread away from his gauntleted fist and the stasis screen released the space marine inside
The marine took a second to adjust to movement he could now make and then threw himself bodily at D’Antine.
Both marines slammed into another alcove- crushing the occupant.
“Heretic scum” spat the marine in blue
“Brother space marine, what are you doing?” A shocked D’Antine replied fighting off the red gauntlets.
“Quiet scum, you are of the heretic thousand sons, I will destroy you.”
“Heretic…? No, we are loyal only to the emperor.”
“Chaos scum, you will be destroyed!”
“Chaos? What chaos?”
Something about D’Antines answer stopped the marine from fighting to reach his neck.
“You really don’t know do you?”
“Know what brother?”
The red fisted marine stood and offered his hand to D’Antine, he grasped it and was pulled to his feet.
“I am Brother Sergeant Lorenzo of the Crimson Fists, it would seem you are honest in your confusion. There is much you must know.”
“Sergeant D’Antine of the Thousand Sons, I’m not familiar with your legion, yet your livery is of the Imperial Fists.”
“There is much you need know, but my feeling is now is not up the appropriate time for it.”
“Very well, let us find a secure location, i need information.”
D’Antine stopped his advance and turned to Lorenzo,
“I feel something, an.. Emptiness.. And hatred…”
“Your legion disgraced itself with it’s warp powers, I don’t want to hear it.”
“I really need some new information from you.”
“Never mind right now, look.”
A green glow was approaching, several green glows.
Both marines readied their bolters and opened fire
*thousand son, not emperors children*
In the face of inexplicably returned fire both marines threw themselves down and scrambled for cover.
“D’Antine these are necrons, focus fire, one at a time, they regenerate”
“Thanks Lorenzo, watch this”
Responding to a taunt from the machine in front of him D’Antine rose from his cover and allowed the warp to flow through him, his armour iced over as flames enveloped his hands and a stream of flames blasted towards the necrons
Necrotic flame washed over D’Antine scorching red paint from the ceramite armour.
D’Antine stumbled back to Lorenzo who’d stopped firing at this point.
“D’Antine fall back,” Lorenzo shouted across the Vox, “we aren’t enough for this.”
“Not a chance Lorenzo, I can burn these to nothing.”
“No D’Antine, they regenerate, we need to find the source of their power.”
“Agreed, let’s go.”
D’Antine rose again, opening his mind to the warp and unleashing concentrated power at the nearest necron
there are some missing posts where I was attacked by a necron
So, this week my stats told me I have 87 posts. I don’t know if that’s 87 written or 87 posted (because I schedule most of them forward- in fact at the moment I’m about 8 weeks ahead on posts) and I made a decision; for better or worse it’s time to let my partner read my blog.
I am worried that so far all Iv written will upset her and make her feel far more guilty than she currently does/should, but I hope that once she starts to read and talks to me about what she is reading then it will inspire me to open up even further on my thoughts and feelings, both with her and in my posts.
Now, I couldn’t just make it easy for her- here have a weblink- so I asked her to pick a number between 100 and 1000 (some part of my brain hoping for the higher end) and she said 137. One hundred and thirty seven.
And so, once my stats tell me I have 137 posts (still no idea if that’s published or written) I will give her the weblink to the start of my blog.
So, I wasn’t keen on reading the sequel to tony parsons man and boy just yet, but in requesting my partner to read it (to gain her thoughts) I convinced myself to give it a go.
Seven chapters in and my partners read the first and wants the second, so I’m going to be handing it over for a day or so whilst she flies through it. I have no idea how she gets through a book so quickly, probably because she sits and reads whilst I snatch moments on the toilet to do so, but anyway, giving it to her for the short time has changed my approach to covering this one in the blog.
So I’ll be reviewing it in stages- rather than going back to the sections that make me think, I’ll be covering it as it makes me think. This will likely change my thoughts as I won’t be using the overall story, just the moments so it may illicit more frustration than before, especially if the first books anything to go by.
The story picks up essentially where the other left off, or it doesn’t, as it’s been jumping a lot, but some of them start directly after the end, some as a two/three years on story. So far it feels a lot like the setup of both books is the same- ie he’s happy, but he wants to be happier. I’m waiting on him jumping into bed with an Irish girl to rehash the plot. But I’m hoping that’s not the case.
So, another cripple post. Im fast approaching that magic number of 137 so my partners going to need something to read. At least something she might have some interest in reading.
So today’s is the next step, bringing her home. After a month of hospital she was finally allowed to return to us. She was excited and we were happy about it, it had been an intense month of working, driving, looking after two kids and having nanny around. Nanny being there was an immense help, but it also added it’s own complications because she’s insistent on spoiling the kids at every opportunity. Not that that’s bad- it’s a grandparents right- but it makes parenting so much harder.
So my partner comes home and hobbles in to be met by ecstatic children. Things weren’t easy, we had a combination of my partner feeling useless about being essentially useless, combined with her stubbornness and insistence on doing things and overdoing it, plus her natural ability to fall out with her mum at every opportunity. It’s strange, they clearly love each other but just wind each other up far too much. Honestly I’m sure it’s an equal thing, but I see my partner getting grumpy more often so I can see how it escalates to tears.
Things changed massively, especially once nanny returned home. At times I was left with essentially three children as my partner just couldn’t do a great deal. This increased her feelings of frustration about being ‘useless’ which shortened her temper and made her snappier. Especially when she overdid it (see stubbornness) and was exhausted. I was struggling at this point as work was taking a lot of my energy and attention and becoming more stressful, whilst the most Important thing – my family- was getting all that I could spare with regards energy, attention, time.
Things then got harder as money became tight, because I was working the state benefit support was minimal and we were left to work it out. As it stood once rent and bills were paid from my wages I was left with £30 to spend. This is before petrol, food, additional bills. And also before leisure spending. It reached a point where my partner was using online selling sites to sell something in order to free up a few quid to buy some vegetables for dinner. At this point out savings disappeared, followed by our overdrafts.
It was a tight time, but we managed, somehow things picked up and we coped. My partner was able to return to work which of course brought extra money in- though childcare costs of course ate into money too. The sacrifice there was my partners energy, she was exhausted by a days work which made her more frustrated and wore her out, so she wasn’t able to do much. This in turn frustrated her and there was a vicious cycle.
Through all of this I felt helpless. I wasn’t able to increase the money coming in, the money that was wasn’t enough and I didn’t have the energy to do enough to look after my family to the level they need and deserve. Helplessness is a strange feeling, Iv never really felt helpless, there’s always a solution, always something that can be done. But not this time. And it was a damaging thing. As Iv mentioned in another post I’m always right. There’s a certain confidence/cockiness/arrogance that comes from that, but this knocked my confidence. Made me feel like I didn’t have the answers, I couldn’t provide solutions, wasn’t able to look after those around me. The effects of that I’ll cover in a future post.
Bitterness. Bitterness is a strange one. Several times Iv been asked if I feel bitter. Bitter about the disability. Bitter about the effect it had on me. Bitter it’s changed how my life works. But I don’t know, I don’t feel bitter. Of course there are moments of anger, disbelief, even denial about the situation, but no bitterness. It happens, it would be better if it didn’t, or of it at least happened to someone else (selfish? Yes, but tough). Maybe there is some bitterness deep down but I don’t think it’s surfaced, or even really had an impact, there’s been far too much to worry about without it.
So, I figured I’d give an update on my hobby projects.
The fact is Iv done very little in months, but there have been a few bits and pieces.
Iv been playing, I’m now fairly confident I have the rules down, and I’m enjoying it. I went to an assault on imdaar tournament (post coming if I can find my notes) and finished last- that was a disappointment. I have been playing a lot more though and have won a few games recently, more posts will be coming on expansions and my lists.
This has sat untouched as I planned to not touch it until I’d cleared everything, but due to ebay changing selling prices Iv slowed down. I did however get some models built and cleaned for this recently, I’ll have a post coming on the box opening and some progress pictures as I go.
I haven’t bought much in the time since I left, but the recent ork release was tempting. My partner planned another energy sapping trip, this time to Cardiff so I spent a few hours in the store building and painting a new shokk attack gun and big gun. I will be getting an ork army together eventually, and my medieval orks really need some work, but at the moment 40k isn’t really appealing to me. The local gaming club is starting a tale of many gamers event soon so I may get back on board with my imperial guard.
Yeah, Iv done nothing, I strongly suspect a new editions coming sooner or later, so we’ll see where it goes.
Just the other day my partner told me quite clearly I’m not to start any new systems. Fortunately just the day before the starter set for my new system had arrived, so I wasn’t breaking the rules. I picked up dreadball. Not only does it look good to play, but it’s cheap to expand upon, so I can pick up new teams when I’m ready easily.
Iv been playing a lot of x wing at the club, and I’m starting to win games regularly which is nice. Additionally I played my first game of dreadball, it was good fun, in a fifteen turn game (the standard) we reached turn thirteen with the scores tied at zero. We’d both missed good opportunities to score before I suddenly clicked into a decent set of actions and scored a four point shot. This then led to panic as my entire team were out of my half of the pitch (one of the coolest aspects of the game is that you don’t reset after a goal, instead you just keep playing) but my opponent had an unlucky round of dice before I again scored three points, putting the game out of his hands. A win in my first game was nice, I’m under no illusion that it was skill, but it’s good, especially as I was running the basic starter team and was up against one of the specialist teams.
Other games played have been cards against humanity- a fun ‘be gross’ style game of cards. Also I played a game of lord of the rings, which was great, I used to love it and it’s so simple and engaging that it was just pleasant. I also played zombicide for the first time, again, it’s good fun, but having played last night on earth a lot at uni I don’t see any real difference so would have to give last night preference for the memories.
So that’s it, Iv been playing, but not much else. Progress reports will be coming as I am starting to build and paint again
So, despite being informed michael Crichton is something of a hack, I’m a big enough fan of the film that I felt it only fair to give it a go.
And I’m happy to say, I enjoyed it. It was more technical than the film, with less ‘silly’ plot point moments- though I felt the children were largely unnecessary (much like in the film).
It was interesting to read the altered characters, john Hammond not being a lovable old man, just an egomaniacal old man, and alan grant as a happy, child loving dino expert. It was also nice that ian Malcolm was unchanged.
More dinosaurs, more violence, more natural dinosaur related activity was all good.
I finished it this morning and immediately went to watch the film but the DVD seems to have disappeared, despite seeing it around here somewhere, I’ll have to watch it when it turns up.
I’m now torn on what to read next, Iv been using readitswapit to get new books, and trade old, although I was smart enough to list unread books, some of which have now been traded away, but currently nothing in my shelf of unread books is appealing, so we’ll see.
So, I’ve realised that whilst Iv exceeded 100 posts (not sure if that’s all posted yet, but definitely scheduled) and only once have i actually specifically posted about my partners disability.
This isn’t necessarily bad because it means her being disabled isn’t necessarily controlling out lives, but I think also I’m skirting around it and not putting into words it’s effect on myself, so for those of you that care, more will be coming on that. For those of you that don’t, I apologise, more will be coming on that.
This blog was something I started to be able to vent, write, express and create I think if I continue to skirt around one of the biggest changes on my and my families lives then I miss a major venting and expressing opportunity.