Month: September 2014

Quotes, on hardship

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So, another collection from my big weird diary

worrying doesn’t rid tomorrow of it’s problems, it rids today of it’s strengths

tough times never least, but tough people to

nobody can start a new beginning, but anybody can start today and make a new ending

a gem cannot be polished without friction

All fairly standard, but also true. It could be argued myself and my partner have had our share of tough times, but they pass- until something new comes along. I think the worrying ones a good one, especially for my partner to keep in mind

Writings, In the wild

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So, another quick scribble in I the pub led to this.

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Ordinarily it would have been easy to turn what looks like eyes into a bigger picture, but I was hit by some writing inspiration.

The eyes shone in the torchlight, reflecting it back at me as I tried to see a head to hold them. I couldn’t see one but I could easily imagine one, with a huge mouth, and huger teeth.
Since the fire at the lab things had changed and humans were prey, and right now I was being hunted. The eyes were watching, they hadn’t pounced, which could only mean the creature wasn’t hunting alone. Or worse, it was a part of a full pack of something monstrous.
Ah yes, the lab fire. Nobody knows what was being done there, but there hasn’t been any power since it burned to the ground. And the land is suddenly so much more dangerous. Aside from the creatures and the lack of food and power, it’s the humans that are the biggest threat. Scavengers aren’t an issue, that’s become the norm, it’s the power brokers, those who had access to the supplies we all need; batteries, food, water. The time they spent hoarding and pricing us out made them greedy and ruthless, now they’ll do anything for power.
Of course, even amongst the arseholes there’s those that were already ruthless bastards, they essentially rule the land now. At least in the day when they dare come out. Right now it’s dark, so they’ll be safely locked away in their well stocked and armed holds, whilst the rest of us scrape around for what we can get whilst praying nothing catches our scent.
A snapped twig drags me from my reverie, another creature to the right. Moving slowly I inch towards my bag, fumbling with the catch as the reflected eyes circle around. I ignore the gun, the ammunition ran out long ago, instead taking the only other thing I can use as a weapon; lighter fluid. This was a lucky find a few days ago, digging through a looted shop I found a few bits and pieces that had been missed by previous visitors. A full canister of lighter fluid would have given me days of food in trade but right now survival was more important.
More snaps, moving in, I spray some fluid onto a branch and with a shaking flick of a lighter set it ablaze, illuminating a beast the size of a small car fifteen feet away. It’s stealthy approach interrupted it pauses as two more slightly smaller creatures join it from my flanks.
Three.
I’d expect at least one more, but right now I have to decide, wait or act.
I act.
A stream of fluid shoots from the can, through the flame and ignites, striking the lead creature square in the face. Unleashing a squeal it leaps back, the others now also cowed into postponing their attack. Pacing back and forth they move out of the range of the fire and out of the light. Thrusting the branch into the fire I’d been building I let the blaze rise with a little boost from the canister I’m holding,
I doubt I’ll be sleeping tonight.

I have a dream, of church visits and a short one

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So, another entry from the big weird diary, I must have have some disturbed sleep at the time.

Me, Dainton (of dirty Sanchez fame), mb, gas and two or three others are in Cardiff, we pass through a church because it’s a shortcut (?). Only a few of us put money in the donation box and the priest locks the door for not giving alms.

Also, another short dream one.

I’m disappointed I’d forgotten most of this one before writing it down, but I’m at a bar with my friend rl and he has a babies body and limbs, but his adult head, which is quite large anyway

I really do wish I’d remembered more of this one

Quotes, ambition

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So, these quotes all have similar themes

if you don’t know where you are going then you’ll probably end up somewhere else

This is a good one, obviously suggesting without a plan you won’t get where you want to. However, I also look at it as a broader quote, in that if you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll still end up somewhere. That may not be particularly good, because that somewhere could be awful, but you’ve still had an adventure and you’re alive (you hope)

aim for the sky and you’ll probably reach the ceiling. Aim for the ceiling and you’ll probably never get off the ground

Another good one, pushing to be your best and you’ll be ok, but if you don’t aim high then why bother.

Ironically I’m not aiming anywhere right now…

Life, accusations and such

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So, once again here I sit. My first visit to the pub since being accused of visiting.
I should explain.
The other night my partner told me I smelt of beer after I returned from a run, and then jokingly suggested I’d been for a drink instead of a run. Fantastic idea I thought, I could get away with that from time to time.
Not too often of course, she’d notice a lack of fitness and a swelling belly. Then I realised that doing this would be outright deceit (? ) or betrayal of her trust. Well, not trust, it’s not that she needs to trust me, trust doesn’t come into it; if I say I’m running she has no reason to believe otherwise, because that’s exactly what I’m doing. No, if I tell her I’m going for a run then that’s exactly what I’ll do, anything else would be a further step towards alcoholism.
Now, it could be argued I’m there, by me too of course. As it stands I’d accept I’m an alcoholic, but that it isn’t interfering with my life. Lying about drinking would be a perfect example of my ‘alcoholism’ directly affecting (and hindering) my life- and more importantly that of my family. It’s handy that my awareness of my drink problem is such that I can set clear boundaries for myself
– lying about drinking
– sneaking drinks
– getting too drunk to ‘be a dad’
– being too hungover to look after my kids
– being an idiot- ie drink driving

By my count my partner ticks more of those boxes than I do.
That would be another potential line to cross- removing context in order to not look so bad.

The fact is,
– I drink too much
– I don’t think I could stop drinking
– I have no desire to give up
– I’d like to be able to drink more

But the only real fact is my family come first, if it was an issue (ie I start ticking off items from my list) it goes immediately.
As it is, there’s no issue, beyond my partners concerns for me, running helps counteract the drinking and for that reason I have no intention of going to the pub when I could be doing what I said I would do.

Writings, infallible

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So, this is one I started when I was in the cinema, it was going to bookend a selection of broken stories I started and never finished. Currently Iv only found this, the start of the first book end, the ending and the broken tales haven’t been found yet.

He was injured.
The injuries may as well have scrolled across his augmented helmet lenses such was his awareness of his perfect form.
And his pain.
Broken right leg
Torn groin
Snapped left Achilles
Shattered sternum
Dislocated right shoulder- state of arm unknown
Left arm crushed
Not to mention the minor injuries not normally of concern.
He was broken.
But he was Astartes.
He was a Space Marine.
And space marines are infallible.

I really hope to find the remainder of this soon

I have a dream, of pigs

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So, another dream from my big weird diary. And this one vivid enough that I still remember the pain.

Me and my sister go to buy some pet pigs, I find one I like and it likes me, it’s pink and black.
The other pigs start biting me and I think it’s jealousy, but then I look down and realise there are bright pink pigs two inches long that Iv been stepping on.
Then the pig I want starts biting me, but doesn’t have any teeth.

Yeah a weird one

Life, what am I going to do next

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So, tonight in the pub I scribbled down a list of things that I want to achieve by the end of the year.
The intention of course is it achieve all of them. Realistically if I can achieve the majority of them then it sets me up to achieve more next year

Here’s the list

Win a game of x wing

Play an x wing tournament and not finish bottom

Paint some kind of wee man from start to finish

Find some productive way to get out of the house more often

Find a good balance of drinking- ie less time drinking lots at home, a little more time (perhaps a regular) drinking a couple in the pub

Write something- no more half started ideas, fully write something, with plans and expansions, submit it for critique online and begin the rewriting

Teach the girl to ride her bike

Teach the girl to tie her laces

Talk to the boy more so he can pick up a word a day (minimum)

Teach the boy something

Have a good time away with my partner

Make some new friends

Write three full chapters of my rom com novel

Clear away all my crap from the house

Get a new suit

Pay off my overdraft

Reduce my loan ahead of schedule

Close my littlewoods account

Cook once a month

Close my bank credit card

Get credit rating to top bracket

Do something I haven’t done before

Go somewhere I haven’t been before

Learn to budget properly

Run 100 miles

Do something weekly with the boy

Give blood twice

Take the girl to wookey hole

Travel somewhere for me

Make someone I don’t know laugh

Make someone I don’t know smile

Play a game of pool

Play a game of warhammer

Play a game of something new

Inventory my wee men collection

Do a car boot sale

Do something amazing for the kids

Do something special that makes my partner say ‘I love you’

Get better at tolerating morons

Get off the anti depressants

Get a friend to visit

Get in touch with some old friends

Try some food I haven’t tried before

Approach someone I don’t know and start a conversation

Plan bigger better targets for next year

Reestablish routine in my life

Decide where I want to go/what I want to do with life

Make a plan to make it happen

Pre thirty bucket list

Find a way of making more money

Persuade my partner to join something

Fill my days with more activities, less vegging out

Discover a new band

Music magpie my DVDs

Maintain my blog, including scheduling future posts

Make friends with a school parent

Get my body sorted

Read 4 ‘classic’ books

Watch 4 ‘top 250’ films I haven’t seen

Watch 2 foreign language films

Rewatch Jodhaa Akbar

Play a game of chess

Get boy off dummies

Find a new hobby

Find a geocache

Learn to use washing machine and tumble dryer

Listen to 4 ‘top 250’ albums I haven’t heard

Watch all Star Wars films with girl

Watch x men days of future past

Rewatch firefly

Watch a life of pi

Watch the hobbit desolation of smaug

Learn something new

Have a ‘dinner evening’ with friends

Invite one of the girls school friends to play

Drink whiskey without watering it down

Buy a bottle of wine that isn’t gone in an evening

It looks like a random list, and essentially it is, I’ll be updating midway through the remainder of this year

Quotes, on love

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So, searching through my big weird diary has uncovered some love related quotes

relationships are naught but a series of complex games

Good one, it’s true, it’s like politics the entire time- worth it though

love does not consist of gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction

A nice one, too many couples spend all their time being lovey dovey (I’m not a huge fan of lovey dovey soppiness) and you wonder, if they just loved each other and got on with things would they be happier? Maybe, maybe not, but I wouldn’t feel sick everytime they did it

we come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly

This I stumbled on somewhere and I think it’s awesome, a truly fantastic explanation for all those people that moan about finding ‘the one.’ Finding the beauty in a person is easy if you’re open to it.

the spaces between your fingers are there so another’s can fill them

Yeah, it’s a little soppy, but it’s nice anyway

Life, weird lines

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So, whilst going through my big weird diary I found random lines of things Iv written, that may once have been the seed of a story, song, poem or just something that occurred to me. They all seem nonsensical to me now, but writing may trigger something

This city is my garden. (This I recall was something to do with living in Cardiff, but I have no idea about the significance of the garden- maybe something to do with potential)

Lions head mask (another Cardiff one, this referred to the lions head shape that spilt paint had made, Iv covered this in the past)

Rip it up, tear it down, stamp it out. (No idea)

This shits signed up doh doh (not the foggiest)

Better grab your bottle fill your tiny cup (nope, nothing)

Should we talk all night? (I can’t remember who triggered this one, but it was in reference to a night me and her were up all night chatting on the sofa when we could have probably gone to bed, but I’m glad we didn’t)

How about standing here and miming conversation (this one was after being at a really crappy student party where it was preferable to stand with familiar faces and do nothing rather than spend any time talking to any of the other guests.

Lost weekend, police breaking down, suicide, mental and physical breakdown, alcoholic, pissed on. (Really no idea here, I suspect it would be a standard plot for a British film, but no memory)