parenthood

Films, not suitable for children

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So, my partner returned, selected a film and away we went. Not suitable for children.

Yes, it sounds like she got back from Cardiff with a dirty video and we spent a couple of hours staring at willies, boobs and facials. We didn’t.

The films anout a carefree sex, party, fun focused guy who discovers he has testicular cancer and desperately wants to make a baby before treatment renders him infertile. I’m afraid I can’t talk much about the film because we turned it off, it was dull. The darkness and misery he was clearly about to suffer was being displayed quite literally in a series of dark, miserable, bland scenes. It just wasn’t gripping.

But it did get me thinking. What if it happened to me? If a doctor told me I was about to become infertile what would I do? Well easy, freeze some sperm. However, important plot point, the sperm rejected the freezing process and so cannot be stored (I have no idea if this is actually a possibility or if it was a plot device). So what do you do? Your options are limited to

1. Accept it
2. Get someone pregnant really quickly
3. Look at alternate options
4. Die

Let’s take a look, so you could accept it. Of course you take the treatment because being alive and sterile is of course better than being dead. I would never disagree, but the thought of never having kids would be a massive thing for me,
Get someone pregnant. Hmm, if you’re in a happy settled relationship then sure, speed things along a little. If you’re not? Well good luck, chances are of you can quickly find someone willing to get pregnant just like that then they aren’t fit to be parents. I say that, my partner and I were pregnant very soon into our relationship, but it was different, we weren’t planning to get pregnant (I wasn’t, I’m still not 100% confident about her).
Alternate options of course are adoption, surrogacy etc. For me, it’s a strange one, I’d always have said it’s not the same, but with my daughter (who I’ll remind you isn’t actually mine) I’d go back and educate past me, so it would be an option.
Die. Yeah, kind of the negative, you spend so long planning or thinking that you die. The reality is you have testicilar cancer, get it treated ASAP.

Now, Iv written this from the perspective that I’m childless, or in a situation where I can support a child, but what about current circumstances. My partners not physically capable of pregnancy, whilst I probably don’t have the reserves to cope with another, but with the news I couldn’t evern have more would that change things? Well, it would mean far more talking about potentials with my partner obviously. We have two and that’s nice, but we’ve never been shy about admitting we’d love loads, so what do you do?
Accept it? Reasonable, we have two it’s a good number
Get pregnant quick? My partners not capable, i doubt I am, but it’s our only option. Lots of thinking on both our parts. I feel that as we couldn’t guarantee we could provide safely it would be best to say no.
Other options? Not this time. Whilst Iv essentially adopted the girl, adding another completely new child to the mix could just get strange
Die? Well I could do that, but then I’d miss out on the whole point of having kids in the first place, the growing up.

Why on earth would I want to miss that?

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Life, a moment of despair

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So, my partners away this weekend leaving me in charge of the kids. No issue Iv done it before, and it means she can get her vital hours on dental courses completed.
But this one was tougher, leading into it has been a few nights of the boy not sleeping at night and the girls not being her most cooperative at the moment. Well, I cope, it’s fine, except recently it’s been harder to cope, I can’t tolerate the constant streams of daddy, daddy, daddy every time something major / minor / inconsequential happens.
Well, the day went as badly as it could, the boy refused to nap and spent most of the time squealing at me, the girl refused to do anything she was asked to and seemed to switch her ears off. She spilt cereal all over the kitchen, moaned about lunch and nagged, nagged, always nagged.
So, I got them wrapped up and went for a walk to the shop, with the promise of buying a cake if she behaved (well placed bribery can work wonders), and suffer through daddy can I have… daddy can I have… daddy can I have…
So we get home and it starts all over. Dinner, early night for both and a moment of peace for daddy. And that’s where the despair sets in. Not only is this the first time as a dad that Iv has a feeling that I just can’t cope, but I realise I can’t get that break that I need. My partners gone away (albeit for work) but due to her care needs there’s no way I can arrange to get away myself. And the despair gets worse when the guilt kicks in, I shouldn’t want to get away, I love my family and I would do anything for my kids, but the thought of being stuck with them for eternity makes my left arm tingle and my chest ache