always being right
So, today my partner was in tears, disability and the restrictions or brings are getting her down- this is obvious but recently it’s been more so.
She doesn’t have the energy levels to do all she wants to and is too stubborn to take it easy or relax until it’s too late.
This creates a few problems for me,
Firstly, it reiterates my recent post regarding always being right and not knowing what to do, I don’t know how to help her. Or when i do, I don’t know how to switch her ears on to make her listen.
Second, her despair leads to my despair leads to us both struggling, and you can’t be struggling with two kids running around, they sense it, and play up to it
Finally, guilt kicks in again. She has repeatedly referred to me as her rock, the stable calm crutch to her crippled body, and now I feel as rocklike as jelly. I don’t have answers, or even supporting words, you see, all that time I was her ‘rock’ I was just cheating, by constantly reassuring her all would be ok, because all was calm it was. But now, when that doesn’t work I don’t have the answers for her, or the words.
It’s tough to reassure her and keep her spirits up when mine seem so crushed and non existent, but I do feel as though my recent lifestyle changes have had an immediate impact on my mood and temperament, I’m on a fitness kick and I’m making social steps, so with any luck my reserves will stock up again, and I’ll firm up to rock level again
So, a good friend once told me the most annoying thing about me (there are a fair few things) is that I’m always right. Not that I’m one of these arrogant douchebags that’s convinced their always right, but that I actually am never wrong. Of course it was a frustration, she’s an easily frustrated person who suffered at the hand of my intelligence and wit (yeah ok, a little arrogance) and i understand the criticism.
It’s not about always being right, just about being careful, never criticise or comment (especially negatively) anything unless you know enough about it that you can respond to a more educated party speaking up. And always be calm, stay relaxed and think things through, your decision making process will be better, I promise.
Iv said before, nobody can be a perfect parent, but with a little effort (a lot of effort) you can be a good parent. The problem is that as a parent it’s really tough to know what what’s right, every decision you make, everything you say, can have a major impact on the kids and their life.
You can see the issue, I’m always right vs I don’t know what’s right. The uncertainty and maybe pressure of such a big deal (the life of my kids) makes it harder to commit to the being right with full confidence and arrogance.
So falling back on being well informed and educated. Iv read the baby books (they are all absolutely pants) and everyone’s got some advice. The problem is that it’s generic, it needs to be situational, personal and specific to your kids and your parenting style (if I have one?).
Finally, falling back on staying calm and thinking things through, well even tougher. If you can show me someone who can make calm, calculated and perfect decisions whilst one child’s gushing blood for their knee, and the others screaming and you’ll probably have found a deaf, dumb autistic recluse.