So, my latest entry in my man and boy thoughts, this is probably the biggest one, because it provoked disbelief and outrage in me whilst I read it on the toilet
Reminder of a another mans fuck
Not my wording, but the writings, a new relationship with a mother, whose child you look at as a reminder of another mans fuck. Yes, I suppose if that’s the way you want to look at it the child can be. But then again in any new relationship you could look at her vagina in the same way, and her skills, and her little ways. No, I’m sorry, if you’re going to look at anything as a reminder of another mans fuck you really can’t blame the child
You can’t be daddy to the child
So the man is looking over his ‘new family’ and decides he can’t be a dad to his new partners child. This is an easier one, once upon a time I thought the same, how on earth can you be a dad to a child you haven’t had any time with? But that’s negative thinking, over time it just happens, I think that if you can’t/don’t do it then you’re always going to be that way, you’ll always set up a barrier to the relationship you could build with the child over time, and with no small amount of effort. Anyone who won’t make that effort will only miss out on all the good bits (and the bad if I’m honest) and will be lesser for it
Breaking / making rules
Yeah, again another easier one to understand, the rules are a major thing. I remember at the start of our relationship when my partners daughter (she wasn’t my daughter at that point- or at least didn’t feel it, maybe I saw her as another mans fuck) asked for something and I said no so she burst into tears, went running into the kitchen and cried “mummy he just hit me!” Now, at this point I was worrying that that was the relationship over, she’d have no interest in a child beater (she’d be right) and of course she’d believe her daughter over a new man. Fortunately the girl had previously claimed a friends boyfriend had hit her with a hammer, so I got the benefit of the doubt on that one. It is tough and I remember as well being told by my partner I had to find my firm voice, because kids smell fear and uncertainty and do what they want with it. And I’m told over time I went from asking nicely, to asking, to requesting, to telling, to telling firmly to daddy voice.
Mummy lets me do it
Ooh, yes the toughest thing. Kids play games. They play games well. They play games better than anyone else can. Mummy lets me is the hardest thing to cope with. My partners fairly vocal about her rules so I was at least a little clear on her rules, but still the games were played, mummy lets me play xxxxxxx, mummy lets me eat xxxxxxxx, mummy lets me do xxxxxx. To be honest the harder one was daddy lets me, because I knew it frustrated my partner but also because I knew he wasn’t being a good dad (even if at the time I couldn’t say it) it was still tough, I was in a place where I’m trying to win over mother and daughter but confronted with “but daddy lets me” which makes wining the girl over tougher, and therefore the mum.
I’m sorry to say I don’t have any insight into the secret, over time it happened, and now I’m in a position to say “you know you aren’t allowed to….” When she’s played her games with grandparents or the like.