Life, drunk bimbos in the pub

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So, tonight sat in the pub I was having a quiet drink and observing the world around me. There wasn’t much to see, aside from three incredibly large boys playing pool and an old fella boring the barmaid with his miserable life, when my judgemental side got a bit of a boost and two young blonde girls saunter in full of the idiocy that some people have.

The girls are chatting away to each other and come out with some absolutely fantastic lines;

tell me a fact, I bet I know it

Yeah, I think she’s trying to say she loves trivia and facts, not that she genuinely knows everything there is to know about everything

A killer whale is a dolphin
Yeah I saw that on a nature show, I love nature shows, if you were an animal what would you be?
I think I’d be a dolphin because Iv got a really good perception of self and I can do backflips

Hm, if you’ve got such a good perception of self then be aware of how moronic yourself is sounding this evening.
Congratulations on the nature shows, you need a little intelligent stimulation clearly.

I know it’s a good week because I’m drinking by Thursday

I have no idea on this one, I don’t know if it means she hasn’t been driven to drink until the Thursday or that she’s able to get out ahead of the weekend, either way it seems her highlight is alcohol, not a positive one.

I was visiting a government research facility for my course and I wasn’t allowed any metal in case it interferes with stuff. I thought wouldn’t it be hilarious if I snuck some metal in

Hmm, yeah I’m fairly sure if you’re a student invited to somewhere important like that you should see it as an opportunity, not as an excuse to be a moron. And if a government funded research facility says no metal then there’s probably a really good reason for that


Life’s really hard living on £40 a week, oh did I tell you I ordered my £1400 sofa

Yeah, a year ago we were living on a minus figure a week, it’s really tough and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, I wouldn’t wish the £40 a week on anyone either, but if you genuinely only do have that then don’t be sitting in the pub every week and certainly don’t be ordering a £1400 sofa. In case you can’t do the maths, £40 goes into £1400 35 times, that would allow you to double your weekly spend for the next 35 weeks, when no doubt a new student loan payment would kick in for you.

Did you know sometimes the poles flip? I love all that stuff, solar stuff and space weather

She means the magnetic poles, and she’s right, but she was implying it can be a daily occurrence, not the tens of thousands of years it’s theorised to take

Northern lights are when solar panels hit some fields and spread green

I think you mean aurora borealis occurs when the radiation from solar flares impacts with the magnetic field and atmosphere of earth, looking like spreading lights in the sky

Bonjour mangetout

This was her greeting to some friends when they arrived, nothing particularly wrong, aside from the fact it was just an annoying phrasing of hello.

What made this more galling was that whilst this girl was spouting her nonsense she had five guys swarming around her vying for her attention. She wasn’t that attractive physically, and she’s clearly an annoying moron, but still the men swarm round, which means she’ll probably have no problem breeding at some point and will then be responsible for the education of further morons.

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