So, Iv recently topped fifty posts on here, I’m probably around the 50 if I ignore the test posts towards the start, and so far my partner hasn’t read any of it.
It’s not a secret, Iv told her about it, why I’m doing it (as best as I can) and even give her some topics I’m writing about. But I haven’t given her the address. Why not?
I don’t know, there’s very little written that she doesn’t already know so what’s the difference? I mean, sure, there’s a few posts that she might be a bit grumpy about, but I have no secrets from her, at least as long as she asks the question. Maybe that’s it, maybe I’m too guarded and the blog gives me a barrier to hide behind, but I haven’t really delved too deeply into my psyche, at least not yet.
Maybe it’s that it’s out there, it’s on the internet, maybe it’s a test, how well does she know me and how soon can she identify me? Well, I know me better than anyone and when i searched I had trouble finding me.
I think the real reason is that this is my dumping ground for venting, talking, recording, it’s not a place for her to upset herself. She suffers with enough self imposed guilt over the effect of her disability on my life (strangely she’s not so apologetic about the changes having a baby had on my life).
Whilst reading she might click at something and discover some other way she can upset herself over.
So if you do find this, this is stuff I feel you should feel guilty about
Breaking my things with your bottom
Telling me off for trivial matters
Getting grumpy when I don’t have an opinion
Stabbing me with your toenails
Putting your cold feet on me
Apologising for cooking dinner
Not straightening the wheels of the car when you park
Not just chilling out sometimes
Nagging me when I drink beer
And here’s a list of things you shouldn’t feel guilty about
Being a cripple
Not waking up for the boy in the night (although I would like to have a full nights sleep one day)